


The Trouble with Being Happy

by theskywasblue



Series: 12 Days of Christmas Challenge [5]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Christmas, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-18
Updated: 2010-05-18
Packaged: 2017-10-09 13:19:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/87917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theskywasblue/pseuds/theskywasblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Happy is a complicated word</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Trouble with Being Happy

**Author's Note:**

> For the 2006 12 Days of Christmas Challenge on the Kakairu community at LiveJournal

Iruka pulled his head out of the box full of Christmas ornaments and sneezed explosively.

"Bless you," Kakashi chuckled.

Iruka rubbed dusty hands across his cheeks and smiled. It had been years since he had taken the decorations out of their box. Truthfully it had been just too depressing to decorate his small apartment for Christmas when he was alone – reminded him far too much of his parents and the things he had lost. Pulling the decorations out now he found that he didn't feel the same sense of quiet sadness, but only a wistful sort of longing.

_Dear mom and dad,_ he found himself thinking – an exercise he had often undertaken as a child to relieve him of his loneliness, undertaken now for old time's sake, _tonight I decorated the Christmas tree with Kakashi…_

He paused.

Of course, his parents wouldn't know about Kakashi, would they?

Which led him to wonder, what exactly would his parents think about all this? Would they be accepting or happy or ashamed or…

"Pretty baby, what's wrong?" Kakashi touched his shoulder carefully, voice soft with concern, "Something the matter?"

"No…" Iruka shook himself as if chasing away cobwebs, "no, it's nothing. I was just thinking."

"Oh," Kakashi brushed a bit of dust off of a glass ball and hung it carefully on the tree; he still looked vaguely concerned, "About what?"

"My parents."

Rather than relieving the look of concern on Kakashi's face, Iruka's admission transformed it into alarm, "Should we…"

Iruka laughed quickly, pecking Kakashi on the cheek, "It's alright Kakashi, it's not what you think, really."

Kakashi continued to eye him cautiously as he searched for more decorations.

"Can I ask you a hypothetical question," Iruka ventured.

"Alright," Kakashi looked wary, "Go ahead."

Iruka took a moment to formulate the question in his mind before he spoke, "What do you think your parents would say if you told them you were in a relationship with another man?"

Kakashi took a moment to digest this, "That's what you were thinking about?"

"I was thinking about what_ my_ parents would say," Iruka discarded a broken ornament, "but essentially, yes."

Kakashi mulled this over and hung a few more decorations. Just as Iruka was getting tired of waiting for his reply, Kakashi responded, "Don't really know."

Iruka rolled his eyes, _he can't even play along…_

"But Sensei didn't seem to have a problem with it."

It took Iruka a moment to realise what Kakashi had said, and then his eyes widened in surprise, "You told Yondaime you were gay?"

Kakashi nodded, "On my fourteenth birthday."

Iruka had to admit that he was a little caught off guard, "That was awfully brave of you."

"Well he was trying to set me up with this girl at the party," Kakashi laughed, "and I just got fed up, pulled him aside and told him I liked boys."

"What did he say?"

"Okay then, I'll find you a nice boy."

Iruka laughed, nearly dropping the ornament he was holding before he could make it to the tree, "Are you serous?"

"Completely."

Iruka could almost imagine the look of absolute horror that would have spread across young Kakashi's face in response to that offer. It would have been priceless to see.

Kakashi poked him in the ribs, making Iruka squeak in surprise, "Are you laughing at me again?"

Iruka bit his lip and buried himself in the box of decorations, rooting through old newspaper and bits of packing foam so that Kakashi couldn't see his face, "No."

"You are," Kakashi's fingers marched up Iruka's spine to the back of his neck, making him squirm, "that's not very nice you know."

Iruka straightened up and thrust the last decoration – an enormous silver and gold star – into Kakashi's hand, "Put that on the top of the tree would you?"

Kakashi gave him a "the-things-I do-for you" look and turned to place the star atop the massive pine, and before Iruka could even think about what he was doing, he found himself with his arms around the older man's waist, pulling Kakashi suddenly backwards and buried his face in the Jonin's shoulder.

"Iruka…" Kakashi laughed shakily, twisting a little against Iruka's iron grip, "I thought you wanted me to put the star up."

Iruka grunted softly, and then mumbled against the warm crook of Kakashi's neck, which still smelled faintly of pine from wrestling the tree in the door, "Did he?"

He could almost feel Kakashi frowning, "Did he what?"

"Find you nice boy?"

There was a pause, then Kakashi chuckled, "Hey now pretty baby – I think I did a good job of that by myself, don't you?"

"Mmmm," Iruka mumbled, sucking lightly on the soft spot where Kakashi's neck joined his shoulder. Kakashi tilted his head indulgently.

"Can I put the star up now?"

"Yes."

Kakashi tried once again to wriggle free, but Iruka only tightened his grip.

"Are you going to let me go?" Kakashi finally asked.

"No…" Iruka growled, nibbling the side of Kakashi's neck, "Never…"

Kakashi stuck the star on the nearest available branch, "I guess we're done then."

"Oh no," Iruka whispered, moving backwards in the direction of the sofa, pulling Kakashi with him, "We're not nearly done…"

He tumbled over the arm of the sofa, pulling Kakashi with him in a rather inelegant sprawl, latching hungrily on to his lips. When they paused for breath, Kakashi pushed up on his elbow and kissed Iruka's scarred nose, "Iruka – are you happy?"

Iruka laughed, thinking that Kakashi meant it to be some kind of joke, until he saw how serious the Jonin's eyes were.

"Kakashi…of course I am!"

"Oh good," Kakashi kissed his temple lightly, "That's good."

"Why would you ask me that?"

"No reason."

"Oh no," Iruka pushed Kakashi's face away before the Jonin could destract him by sucking on his earlobe, "I'm not letting you get away that easy. I want to know why."

"I just…" Kakashi looked away self-consciously, "Sometimes I worry that I'm not…not right…not good."

Iruka's chest clenched involuntarily. He pressed his hands to Kakashi's cheeks and brought their foreheads together, "Kakashi, you're perfect, I promise. If I wasn't happy you would know about it. Does this have something to do with all the nice things you've been doing for me lately?"

"I'd do nice things for you anyway."

"I know that…but lately."

"Christmas is supposed to be special," Kakashi half-whispered, his eyes frantically seeking some escape from the pressure of Iruka's gaze, "I wanted it to be special for you…and me…for us."

Iruka almost couldn't breathe; he could feel pressure building behind his eyes, and a thickness in his throat that he couldn't quite seem to get rid of when he swallowed.

"Kakashi…you don't have to – you shouldn't have to do anything."

"Oh don't cry pretty baby," Kakashi laughed almost frantically, pushing through Iruka's hands and leaning down to kiss his cheek, "I didn't mean to make you cry."

"I'm not crying," Iruka protested, although it almost felt as if he might start without much provocation.

"I know that it will never be the same…" Kakashi began unbuttoning Iruka's shirt, kissing the skin he bared as he moved downwards, "As it was when you were with your parents…but I want you to be happy…I want you to be happy with me."

"I_ am_ happy," Iruka shivered as battle-roughened fingers scraped across tender nipples and Kakashi pushed the shirt off his shoulders.

"Good…" Kakashi breathed against the tender skin above Iruka's belly button, making him whimper, "Because I love you."

Somehow that did him in completely, and Iruka threw a hand up over his eyes so that Kakashi wouldn't see, but the Jonin realised instantly what was happening.

"You're crying! Don't cry!"

"I'm not!" Iruka protested futilely, struggling to resist as Kakashi pried his hand away from his face.

"You are!"

"Oh shut up," Iruka growled defensively, batting Kakashi's hands away, "It's your fault, saying things like that – it's cruel…"

"I'm sorry," Kakashi soothed, lapping up salt water from Iruka's cheeks. Iruka pulled him down until Kakashi's face was buried in his shoulder, rubbing the last tears from his face roughly with his free hand.

"Just shut up…sometimes you're an absolute idiot you know that? I love you, and you don't have to do anything to make my Christmas special but be here with me, alright?"

"Well, I'm going to keep trying anyway," Kakashi kissed the side of his neck, "just for fun."

Iruka, who knew from experience that it was useless to try and stop Kakashi when he got a plan in his silver-coiffed head, just laughed around the last of his tears.

-End-


End file.
